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" He stopped and smiled at me."Maybe I should give the house to you," he smiled. "It makes the most sense. In a few years, you'll get married and have kids hopefully. A growing family will need a house, not some tiny apartment. You could even keep your mom with you until your second child was born unless you had two of the same gender." Dad, she won't survive without you," I said. "Over the years, you've just spoiled her to the point that she just doesn't know how to take care of herself. Sure she can cook and shop and do some of the cleaning too, but without you, she's not going to be able to handle it. I'm not even sure she's going to be able to sleep tonight without you there." He just shrugged his shoulders. I guess that he was just being human but it seemed as though the thought of my mom not sleeping made him feel better. Maybe it was a normal reaction to think that the person who caused him pain was feeling his loss herself.Perhaps it was some kind of validation that he. .. how had I survived that?You survived it by making it a part of you, taking it in and accepting it for what it was. You didn't run from it or hide it. It made you one miserable fuckin' asshole to be around for a few years, but you survived. You can do the same thing with this batch. If you're willing to suffer. You are willing to suffer, aren't you martyr-boy?"I'm no martyr."Sure you are. You love the idea of carrying the weight and suffering of the entire world on your shoulders. You go out of your way to take responsibility for sins that aren't even yours. It blends so well with that over-blown sense of humility. Hell, you'd rather nail yourself to a cross and hang there while the admiring crowd stands around ooohing and ahhhing your act of self sacrifice than stand up and do something about it. It's funny really. You claim that you don't believe in religion, but the faith you don't believe in has turned you into an emotional eunuch. You've avoided your own feelings and emotions.
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